An Abuse-Free World is Worth Fighting For
I am actually starting to get good at standing up to abuse. I have a system. I see it as if the abuser is a deceiving magician. They have their bag of tricks. I call out their bag of tricks. When they triangulate me, I say as much. When they belittle, I call it out. And, be prepared, because their next step is predictable: they will triangulate or belittle again. At that point I point out that I called them out and they did it again, and that they are like a shark seeing blood: they know no other way. I send the above article about Abusers Can’t Abuse People Familiar with Abuse.
And, one way or another, I feel really good about myself and the approach. Psychologists call what they do FOG: fear, obligation, guilt. They try to guilt and shame you to gain power. It is literally like a “fog,” a mist, meant to confuse. See through the fog, call it out. Have some potions of your own. Don’t let their tactics silence you. You can walk through a lot more difficult situations when you have these strategies at the ready. I plan on updating my book Towards Liberalism to include these tactics–and include my experience with Objectivists (abusive, caustic) and what tactics are effective against them. In short, catch them preattentively, get your hardest, biggest points in immediately, and use their own quotes do do it.
An abuse-free world is a world worth fighting for. Abuse obviously isn’t ideal when it happens to you. But it ultimately isn’t good if you have abusive tendencies inside you, either. Much more peaceful ways of living exist. Tackle narcissism, which is what it is, and we would be well on our way to a more peaceful, free, enjoyable life.